This post is a little beyond the normal purview of this blog, but I just had an idea. It's an idea that I'm sure at least ten billion other people have already had, so I'm not saying it's unique. More than a brainstorm, though, it's probably more a commentary on the highly-calibrated consumer society in which we live. Someone near my desk, I don't know who, just got a call. Apparently they didn't want to talk to the caller, and also, it seems, they didn't know how to activate the "silence" feature on the phone, because it kept ringing and ringing. But the ring was no normal ring: no, their cell phone blasted out a jazzy percussion-y song as loud as if I was standing in a two-car garage and the Boston Philharmonic was there playing their guts out.
We're talking loud.
And it got me to thinking...someday I'll bet companies find a way to allure people into uploading their marketing slogans as ringtones. Something like, "Fifteen minutes or less could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance" would be piped through, sung by Robin Thicke accompanied by a smooth jazz baseline. Or something. Over and over, Thicke would croon his pitch as adoring teenage girls let their calls go into voicemail, not wanting to interrupt his syrupy lyrics. Wait: is Robin Thicke still popular with teenage girls? I don't know. Point is: someone will figure out how to do this.
The notion reminds me of a creepy story I once read by George Saunders in his book of short stories "In Persuasion Nation" (I can't remember the title off the top of my head, but it might be "My Flamboyant Grandson"). In the story, an older man is assailed by all sorts of different advertising images as he takes his grandson to see a musical in the city. As he walks past an endless string of storefronts, a microchip in his shoe triggers holograms and aural announcements directing him to buy all manner of products. It's a not-too-distant-future look at how our consumer culture, unchecked, could wall us off in a prison of zany advertisements.
On second thought, let's keep the whole ringtone thing between you and me. I don't want it falling into the wrong hands.
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